So many changes ...

In the past year I have learned so many different things, some relating to work, others relating to personal life, or things about myself. Here they are, all bundled into one place. Set as a reminder for myself, and maybe a reminder for my future self. Or simply a list for someone else (like you) to read.

1) You are more than you realize

In every single sense of the phrase, you are more than you realize. You are more light, more love, strength, knowledge, humility, kindness, you are more everything than you could ever imagine. With this idea, what can you do? What can you become today? Who can you influence? What adventures can you begin? What adventures can you end? You are so much more. There are people out there watching what you're doing and are in awe of who you are, who you've become, who you are becoming, where you are going, what you have been through, what you have accomplished, how much strength you have shown etc. You are more than you can imagine, put into a box, put into one idea, more than you realize.

2) Trust your intuition

I've been having many internal conversations lately, while also going to therapy and reading great books. One I've enjoyed is Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab (https://www.amazon.com/Set-Boundaries-Find-Peace-Reclaiming/dp/0593192095) - the reviews are mixed but I enjoyed reading examples of how to actually set and keep boundaries with myself and with others. This also helps me better trust my own gut feeling. If you have an initial feeling about someone or something, that's likely because it means something, don't ignore it. If you feel uneasy about something, you don't have to go through with it. If someone gives you a bad feeling, you don't have to be around them. If a job doesn't give you joy and you question making a change, its probably time to make a change. It'll always be for the better. Trust yourself, you will always find it's a good thing.

3) Live for today

A simple one I guess, its something I need to remind myself of more often but live for the moment. Live for today. Not when you have more money, when you have more time, when you have more things, when you have the right body. Live for the moment right now. I look back on photos of myself and think wow I was so young, so youthful, I had great skin and hair - and then I look at myself now and compare. But the funny thing is when those old photos were taken, I was doing the exact same thing. So I've decided I should live for right now, live for the new things happening today, for the adventures I can get into right now, for the things I can say 'yes' to today. I will say yes to taking pictures I'm not sure I look good in, or getting the dress even though my body isn't the way I want it to be. I think having our daughter taught me to stop and look at the leaves on the trees, stop and literally smell flowers with her, look at the colours of the plants, explore the water and all the rocks on the shore.

4) You will be okay without them

A lot of my younger life has felt like people leave or don't defend me. I was taught that I need to defend myself, from a young age I had adults around me who did not have my best interest in mind and only had their own selfish needs/wants. And some of that anxiety bleeds into my days now, where I have severe anxiety around those who leave. Even those who are very close to me, who make up a major part of my world. This year has taught me that sometimes those people who you hold so high in your life will not hold you equally as high, as a result they might leave, they will let you go. And that's really hard. Mourning the people you thought they were, watching them walk away from you, its all very painful. And at the end of the day, you will be okay without them. You will learn to fill the areas of life where they stood, and you'll fill them with people and ideas and things that want to be there, that want to see you grow and flourish. Those same people, ideas, and things will provide you so much more positive light and love, they will be there despite any of the hard times that come around and will celebrate the good with you. You will be okay without the people in your life that you thought were the closest people in your life. You will grow through the hardest of times.

5) You are more than your income/job/productivity

Having a toddler has taught me to slow down a lot, I can't get all the things done that I want to, I can't spend weekends in the cafe just studying new things. I can barely even nap on a good day haha productivity has been tied to my identity all my life. The place I work, has been tied to my identity for the past 7 years I've worked here. I am proud of the work I do, I am proud of the things I accomplish but most of the time I am just surviving to get through the day so my family and toddler can have my attention. Is it productive? Probably. Not in the ways I look at productivity but its productive for our toddler. I am doing my best today to untie the identity I have developed with my work and things I do each day, work is just work - at the end of the day I mean more to my family than I do at my job. You are more than the things you do. Resting is still productive, recovering is productive, smelling the flowers with your toddler is productive, being present for your family is productive. You are more than your work.